Just Between Friends Page 22

  Doctor Mitchell pushed his wire-framed glasses up further over his eyes to study her for a moment before he responded, “Well sure, but first let’s go in here so I can check you over.” Placing his hand gently on her back, he led her to the next room, shutting the door behind them. He then directed Louise to climb onto the examining table.

  Feeling uneasy, she watched him as he gathered his things in which to examine her. Picking up the stethoscope first, he walked toward her, and after she lowered her dress from her shoulders, he listened to her heart. After receiving a thorough examination, she dressed then waited for him to say something. If she could only read his expression, but she couldn’t. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Was he being reluctant, she wondered, because something terrible was wrong with her, and he didn’t know how to tell her? She was still contemplating these things when he moved toward her, and pulling his chair up, sat close before her.

  Hesitantly, he began, trying to keep his voice low. “Louise, I’m talking like this so Ethan won’t hear what I’m about to tell you.” Noticing how tense she was, he comforted her, “Please understand first of all, there’s nothing serious wrong with you.” She breathed a sigh of relief as he continued, “How old are you, Louise?”

  She was puzzled by this question. “I’m Forty-eight, why?”

  “Just as I thought, even though that’s still a little early in life, it does happen sometimes. You see, Louise, when a woman reaches her early fifties, she begins her change of life, and that’s what you’re experiencing. When you first told me of your restlessness, I suspected it, but once you told me the other symptoms, I knew then. Don’t worry, I listened to your heart and it sounds very strong and healthy. The sudden, fast heartbeats you’ve described are not uncommon in women going through the change.”

  He patted her hand. “You’re going to be fine. I’ll give you something to help you sleep, and you’ll get back to normal soon. But I’ll be honest. I don’t know how soon. It varies with different women. I know all this is very annoying for you, but try to be patient. Eventually every woman goes through it.” Seeing how sad she looked, his heart went out to her. He grew silent as he let all this sink in.

  Her lips were slightly trembling as she spoke. “Doctor Mitchell, does this mean I can no longer have children? I know it’s been over twenty years since I had my last child, and Ethan and I probably wouldn’t have had any more anyway, but just knowing I was still in my child bearing years kept us hoping. Please, don’t get me wrong. We’re really proud of our two sons, but there’s still always been something missing. Ethan has so wanted a daughter, and I kept hoping that one day I would be able to give him one.”

  He watched as one tear trickled down the side of her face. “Louise, you’re only beginning the change, and some women have actually become pregnant while going through it, even though it’s rare. But once you’ve totally gone through it, and you no longer have your monthly, then no, I’m sorry to report, you’ll no longer be able to bear children.”

  Her heart sank at his words. As she arose from the table, she wondered how she could possibly tell Ethan. He didn’t deserve this. He still needed someone who was capable of giving him more children. It just wasn’t fair.

  “Louise,” Doctor Mitchell offered, “here take one of these each night before going to bed. They will help you sleep.” He handed her some packets. “I’m giving you enough sleeping powders for two weeks. When you run out, I want you to return so I can examine you again. Then if you need more, I’ll give them to you, alright?”

  She nodded, and said appreciatively, “Thank you, Doctor Mitchell, and please, don’t say anything to Ethan about this. I have to be the one to tell him, when I feel it’s the proper time.”

  “I understand perfectly. You just go home now and take it easy, and Louise, don’t worry about Ethan. I’ve known him a long time and I know he’ll be relieved to find out there’s nothing more serious wrong with you. Just be honest with him, alright? You’ll both feel better.”

  “I’ll do my best, doctor, but you can’t possibly know how I feel. It makes me feel less of a woman somehow.”

  He could sympathize with her, for in all his experience as a doctor, all the women he’d treated for this had felt the same way Louise did. It would just take time.

  Watching her leave, he shook his head, wishing there had been more he could do, but there were some things only nature could take care of. He could only wish her luck.

  Chapter XIX

  .

  The days were dragging by, or so it seemed to Steven. The weather had turned colder, and the snow had been almost a constant for nearly a week. Oh, how he hated this. Only three days left before he took Miranda as his wife, and he had so longed for good weather.

  He wanted everything to be perfect for her on her wedding day. His legs were steadily improving, though he still used his cane. Maybe by this summer he could begin the construction of his own house. Miranda deserved the best, and he would see that she got it.

  It was still early and daylight was just beginning to peek through his window. It feels so good to actually lie in a bed with clean blankets and pillows again, he thought. In all the time he had been in hiding, the only bed he had known had been hard wooden floors. Since his return home, he had been so used to sleeping on those floors, that he actually had a hard time getting used to the soft mattress.

  But that wasn’t the reason he couldn’t sleep well now. It seemed all he thought about was the fact that in only three days, Miranda would be sleeping by his side. Not in this bed, but in that of their own. It all seemed impossible, knowing then, he could hold her in his arms and make love to her whenever they felt that desire, which he was certain, would be often. He grinned at the thought. Feeling that desire growing within him, he tried his best to put his mind on other things.

  He slowing arose, threw aside the covers and slung his legs over the edge of the bed. After a moment, he stood to his feet. It was still quite early to begin his chores, so he dressed, then quietly went downstairs.

  Making his way to the kitchen, he made himself a cup of coffee then sat down. As he drank it, he couldn’t help but wish he hadn’t promised his father he would help him cut more wood today. He wasn’t being selfish, knowing they had enough wood to last a few more days. Besides, winter was almost over.

  The need to see Miranda was overwhelming. Yesterday his neighbor had needed his help till late, now his father. It was torture to him to be unable to hold her in his arms. After nearly six years of separation, they deserved to be with each other every minute of every day. But he supposed he was being selfish. It was his right to help out. “But soon, my love,” he spoke softly, “soon we’ll never be apart again.”

  He was still drinking his coffee when he heard someone stirring about. When the door swung open, Sam slowly entered, yawning. Noticing how tired she looked, he asked with concern in his voice, “Sam, didn’t you sleep well? You look awfully tired.”

  She walked to him and lightly kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry, little brother, I slept just fine. That is, once I actually went to bed. Alec was here till late again. I guess I’m just getting old and can’t take as much as I used to. He took me and Sarah for a sleigh ride. She enjoys them so, and it was late when we returned. Even Sarah went to bed later than usual, for she was having so much fun. I guess staying up late every now and then won’t hurt her.”

  Steven noticed how radiant his sister had become, since she and Alec had gotten close, and it did his heart good. He had so wanted her to be happy again and Sarah also. Even appearing as tired as she apparently was, he could see all the heaviness had lifted from her shoulders, and she really seemed to be enjoying life again.

  He suddenly burst out, “So Sam, when do you and Alec plan to tie the knot?” The question took him as much by surprise as it obviously did her. He hadn’t planned to ask that. It just slipped out.

  “Where did that come from?” She asked, in confusion.

  “To be honest wit
h you, I don’t really know. I wasn’t meaning to ask that. But, since I did, how about answering my question?”

  “Steven, for pity sake, quit being silly. There’s never even been a mention of marriage. Maybe we need to get to know each other better first. A person shouldn’t just jump into something like that. You’re mature enough to know that.”

  She was embarrassed, so he decided to let her off the hook. Rising to his feet, he went and stood beside her as she placed bacon strips into the skillet, avoiding his gaze.

  He apologized, “Sam, you know I was only kidding around with you. I know you two haven’t had much time yet, but it’ll happen, you’ll see, probably before you even realize it. Just be prepared for when it does.” He then returned the kiss she had given him earlier, and replied, “I’m starved. Hurry up with that, will you?”

  “Oh, you,” She exclaimed, as she swatted him with the turner. “Just go back over there and sit down. Have some patience my dear brother, patience. I’m working as fast as I can.”

  Obeying her orders, he returned to his seat, pretending to be hurt, but laughing inside thinking, such a bossy little thing. I feel sorry for Alec. He didn’t really feel that way, for he knew Alec was a very lucky man to have won the heart of his sister. Maybe he was prejudiced, but he didn’t think so. Sam was a most amazing woman. He longed to see her happy.

  After she had finished preparing the meal, and handed him the plate of hotcakes, eggs and bacon, she sat across the table from him picking at her own food. She had never been one to eat much, but this morning it seemed she was even having a hard time taking a first bite. Knowing something was on her mind, he demanded, “Alright, Sam. Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you or not?”

  She looked up at him with her big blue eyes, and he detected a hint of worry in them. “How did you know something was bothering me?”

  “Sam, I am your brother, aren’t I? And brothers have a way of knowing things.”

  Seeming hesitant as she thought about this, she then pushed her meal aside, before she spoke. “Steven, I’ve just been worried about Sarah. Not her health or anything. It’s about her relationship with Alec. She loves him so much. But it still hurts a little knowing she never had a chance to know her real father. I want her to know her true roots. In all the time Sarah’s been born, Michaels parents have only seen her twice. Maybe it hurts them seeing her, for she does resemble Michael. I try to keep him fresh in her mind, so she’ll feel she knows him at least a little.”

  Steven sat in silence as he watched Sam’s face. She had become silent, while she was still trying to process what she was feeling into words. She was having a hard time talking about Michael. As much as she loved Alec, Michael would always be a part of her and Sarah’s lives, as of course he should be.

  She took a deep breath before she spoke, “Michael’s dead, but I want a piece of him to live on in Sarah’s mind, because that’s all she can ever have. Now don’t get me wrong, I love Alec with all my heart, but I just don’t want Sarah to totally lose her father. He would have been so proud of her. You understand what I’m trying to tell you, don’t you?”

  Steven could sympathize with her, knowing he would feel the same way if anything were ever to happen to Miranda. He couldn’t even bear that thought. It made him positively heartsick. So answering her as carefully as possible, he said, “Of course I do Sam. You and Michael loved each other very much, and Sarah is the product of that love. Don’t you worry Michael will always’ live on in Sarah. Just keep telling her about him. Don’t ever give that up for anything. Alec will understand.”

  “Do you really think he would? I’m sure it would bother him at least a little.”

  “Sam, Alec has gone through a lot also. If he had a child and never had the chance to see it grow up, I’m sure he would want someone to tell it about him. I know I would. What I would encourage you to do, if you have any doubts, is to have a talk with him. You’ll see, you’ve done all this fretting over nothing.”

  He noticed how the worry was lessening on her face, so he gathered up his dishes, before standing to his feet. Dishes in one hand, cane in the other, he limped to the sink and stacked them together. He turned back to his sister, and explained, “Now, I don’t mean to be rude, but I promised pa I would help him cut wood today. If I get an early enough start, maybe I will have time to go over and see Miranda for a little while. As soon as the weather breaks, I’m going to pay O’Leary a call and see if he’ll give me a job. I so want to build us a house as soon as I possibly can.”

  “I’m so happy for you Steven and for Miranda also. I wish you could have seen how distraught she was when they sent word that you had been killed. Well, I guess I can’t say I actually saw her, for she kept to herself, refusing to go anywhere, even church. But we heard talk. At first no-one could get her to show any emotion at all, then one day she claimed to hear your voice, and she seemed to get better, at least for a little while. But as time passed, that hope began to dwindle. It’s amazing how she kept holding on, determined not to give up on you, even when she was engaged to Alec. I suppose that’s why it never worked out between them.”

  Steven so longed to tell Sam of the strange connection he, and Miranda had shared when he was away, but he couldn’t. That was their special secret, too special in fact, to be shared with anyone else. “I know,” he finally remarked, “and I’m so glad she waited on me. I can’t even imagine the devastation I would have felt if I had returned and found her married. But I won’t allow myself to think about that.”

  Pushing his chair back against the table, he proclaimed one last thing before leaving the room. “It’s our turn now Sam, yours and mine. We deserve some happiness after all we’ve been through, don’t you agree?”

  Her face lit up, as she nodded, “Yes, I do, little brother, yes, I do.”

  ***

  The sound of cannon fire filled the air. Men were lying all about. The stench of death would fill your nostrils. The smoke was dense, making it very hard to see even a few feet in front of you. The agonizing cries of the wounded seemed to be all around, but she couldn’t find him. She had searched it seemed for hours, but to no avail. She had to find him. So, she kept pushing forward. Only about ten feet away, she saw a figure lying there, unmoving, a figure which strongly resembled him. Making her way past a couple more bodies, she finally reached the figure.

  Bending down, she gasped, clutching her mouth. Oh please, no! Blood was trickling down both sides of his face, and his eyes were wide open as if he was staring straight into her soul, but he was dead.

  Giving a gut piercing scream, she sat bolt upright in her bed. Tears were streaming down her face, and she had broken out in a cold sweat. Hearing, her mother had come running.

  Opening her bedroom door, she rushed to her daughter’s side and gathered her in her arms. It had been such a long time since Miranda had had one of these nightmares that Mary had thought they wouldn’t return, especially now that Steven had come home.

  Miranda nestled close against her mother, as Mary stroked her daughter’s hair and comforted her. “Shh honey, it’s alright. It was only a bad dream. Remember, Steven is back and he’s fine. You’re to be married in only three days.”

  “But Mama,” Miranda shivered, “It was so awful. Steven was lying there with blood all over his face, and even though he was dead, his eyes were open, and it seemed he was staring right at me. Oh Mama, will these dreams ever end?”

  Pulling free from her mother’s embrace, she began to panic, “I must see him! He didn’t come over yesterday! What if something happened?”

  Pushing the covers aside, she began to rise, when her mother stopped her. “Honey, Steven’s fine or else we would have heard. Besides, you can’t go over there on a day like this. It’s been snowing and there’s nearly a half foot of it on the ground.”

  Miranda knew her mother was right, but her desire to see Steven was outweighing her good sense. “But,” she argued, “you don’t understand, I have to see him!�
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  Unable to resist her, Mary reasoned, “Look, Miranda, I’ll tell you what, you be patient until your father returns home from work, and if Steven hasn’t shown up by that time, then I’ll convince him to take you over there to check on him, alright?”

  Realizing her father could be home quite late, being the town’s blacksmith, she was hesitant to agree. But she reasoned to herself and concluded she really didn’t have any other choice. It would be far too risky to drive there herself in this kind of weather. So reluctantly, she agreed.

  “Good, it’s settled then,” Mary said happily. “You go ahead and get dressed, then come downstairs and eat something, and as soon as Tommy wakes up, he’ll help keep your mind off things.”

  As if on cue, the baby began to cry. Mary stood to her feet, and headed for the door, but quickly turned back to Miranda, and said, “Come on, your little brother will help keep your mind off things.” Then added, “Just be patient honey, I know Steven is fine. Now hurry up.”

  “Oh Mama,” she whispered, “you just don’t know what it feels like, do you? Papa has always been there. You’ve never had to feel that heartbreak of losing the one you love, and I’m truly thankful you haven’t.” Then deciding her mother was right about putting her mind on other things, she quickly dressed, and after making her bed and tidying her room, her stomach was starting to settle. So she made her way downstairs and waited.