Just Between Friends Page 6

  Cassandra was trembling, but not from fear this time, only happiness. “Oh Ben,” she exclaimed happily. “I don’t need to wait until you return to know how I feel. I’ve known how I feel about you for a long time now. I love you too, and yes, I would wait for you as long as it takes.”

  He reached out and gently touched her face. She could see the love radiating from his dark brown eyes, as he leaned over and lightly touched his lips to hers. As he pulled away, he said, “I’ll be thinking of you all the time and I’ll write as often as I can.” He could see the tears filling her eyes and as the one spilled down her face, he gently wiped it away.

  “Please, don’t cry Cass. I’ll be back before you know it.”

  She only nodded, as she thought, or maybe you’ll never come back.

  Chapter V

  In late spring of 1861, hundreds of young men marched off to war, and some who would never return to see their loved ones again. Among those men leaving were Steven, Michael, Alec and Ben. Although Ben’s mother had tried so hard to convince her son that he was much too young to enlist, he would hear none of it.

  He only held his head high and said, “Ma, you have to understand, I could never live with myself if I didn’t do my part in protecting my family. I’ll be alright. I’ll be home before you know it, I promise.”

  Louise Williams spoke, her voice trembling. “Son, don’t make promises you may not be able to keep. Both of my sons, I …” she broke down crying.

  As she embraced her youngest son, her whole body trembled, “I’ll be praying for you.” Then looking at Alec, added, “Both of you. Please, come home safely.” Turning to Alec, she begged, “Please, look after each other and write to me as often as you can, so I’ll know you’re both alright. I don’t know what I would do if I was to lose either of you.” She took Alec in her arms, her body still shivering.

  “It’ll be alright, Ma. Really, it will,” he comforted. “We’ll look out for each other, I promise.”

  “Now, Louise,” Ethan cut in, “just look at our two fine boys. Why, they look sturdy enough to take down the whole Union Army themselves. They’ll be fine.” With that, he gave each of them a pat on the back and a hug. “You write to your mother and me as soon as you get settled and let us know where you are.”

  “We will, Pa.” Alec assured him. “Don’t worry.”

  While they were still in conversation, Miranda, Steven and Cassandra walked up to them. “Alec,” Miranda asked, “Could I speak with you for a moment?”

  Cassandra then asked the same of Ben. They each walked in separate directions, so they could speak privately.

  As they walked away from the crowd, Miranda was feeling sad. She realized this may be the last time she would ever see Alec, and thinking of all the pain she had caused him, she tried her best to patch things up between them. “Alec,” she began. “I want you to know that I’m going to miss you a lot. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember. I’m going to worry about you.”

  His eyes were shining from the tears that were about to spill from them. “Miranda,” he stated, “If only I had you to return to, and you loved me the way you love Steven, then I couldn’t bear to leave, but it doesn’t really matter to me one way or another if I return or not, since I can’t have you. I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything. It’s just how I feel, but I will miss you.”

  But he was making her feel bad. She had never meant to hurt him this way, but she couldn’t have done anything differently. She didn’t want to hurt him any more than she already had, but she had no right to keep the gift he had given to her. She had to return it to him before he left.

  “Alec, I know this may not be the time, but as you know, the air has been thick between us and now after what you just said, I feel even worse. This may be the only chance for who knows how long though.” She reached into her dress pocket and produced the small box he had given her, containing the locket. “I should have given this back to you a long time ago. I really don’t feel right about keeping it.”

  “No, Miranda,” he begged. “Please keep it. I know how you feel, and I know you will never love me in the same way as you love Steven, and I’ve come to terms with that. This was just a birthday present, so just accept it as that, alright, and nothing more? Really, I want you to have it.”

  Miranda had tears flowing down both sides of her cheeks, but her voice was so choked with emotion, that when she tried to respond, nothing would come out, so she only nodded.

  Reaching out and pulling her into his arms, he added, “I hope Steven returns and you both are happy. Who knows, maybe this is the best thing for me right now. It’ll help get my mind off this whole ordeal.”

  “Oh, Alec, please don’t talk this way,” Miranda begged. “There are a lot of girls besides me, and any one of them would be pleased to be yours.”

  Alec looked at her sadly and replied, “I don’t know about that, but there is one thing I do know. There’s only one Miranda Porter in the world, and Steven has to be the luckiest man I know.” With that, he bent down and kissed her forehead, then walked off. Such a bittersweet feeling washed over her, as she slowly watched him disappear from sight.

  Steven walked up to her then, and wrapped his arms around her, comforting her. “That was rough, wasn’t it sweetheart?”

  “Steven, Alec makes me feel so guilty. I didn’t mean to hurt him so.”

  Steven sighed. “Of course you didn’t. He’ll be alright. He’ll find that special someone one day.”

  She prayed he was right. “I sure hope so. This is all so hard to deal with,” she admitted. “Steven, I wish you wouldn’t go. If you don’t come back, I wouldn’t want to live anymore.”

  Gathering her in his arms, he did his best to put her fears to rest. “Hey, now stop that!” He demanded. “Nothing’s going to happen to me. Why, I’ll be back before you know it.” But something deep down inside Steven told him differently. He didn’t understand what he was feeling, but he couldn’t reveal this to Miranda.

  Hand in hand, they slowly walked back to their families and friends. Everyone said their goodbyes and soon they were gone, but the memory of that day would remain with each of them forever.

  ***

  The seasons passed and Miranda received letters from Steven as often as he could send them. It was hard to believe that it had been three years since that dreadful day in which he had left. At times her longing for him was unbearable. She slept with his letters under her pillow each night, and would say the words to them that she longed to say to him. In his last letter to her, he wrote,

  October, 1864

  My Dearest Miranda,

  All is well. I hope this letter finds everyone well at home. Tell your family hello for me. Michael and I are still in the same Calvary, and he said to tell you hello, and to please give Sarah a big hug and kiss for him, and tell Sam he loves her and he’ll be writing to her again real soon. Oh my love, I miss you so much. If only I could hold you again and touch those sweet lips to mine, I would feel like a new man. I think of you all the time and how our future together will be. I can’t wait to be married to you. Well, sweetheart, I’m not going to make this long. We’re being sent into Missouri under Generals Price and Smith. I’m really not at liberty to say any more, but pray for us, that we won’t lose any more men. I hate to say this, but the Confederacy is weakening. Something has to be done. Take care of yourself, and I’ll write to you again soon.

  All of my love,

  Steven

  Miranda felt a lump in her throat. What was Steven trying to tell her? What did he mean by they can’t afford to lose any more men? Has that many already lost their lives? She felt her head spinning, but at least she knew both Steven and Michael were still alive. She also knew Alec and Ben were too, because their mother and father had received a letter from Alec, and Ben had written a letter to Cassie. She thought Ben wouldn’t even recognize Cassie anymore, for she had matured into such a beautiful young woman. Oh, when will this all be over, sh
e sighed?

  ***

  Time passed and no word from either Steven or Michael. Everyone was worried. Then Sam received word that, Michael Joseph Wilkes had been killed in action at the battle of Westport, on October 23, 1864, and Steven’s parent’s also received word that Steven Arthur Reynolds was presumed dead, as a result of the same battle.

  The gloominess that settled over both families was overwhelming. Samantha cried all the time. Mrs. Reynolds woke with nightmares over her son every night, and Miranda never spoke, or showed any emotion at all. The doctor visited her on a daily basis, but there was little he could do. She had to find a way to pull herself out of the shock she was in herself.

  Months passed. Then on April 9, 1865, Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrendered the Army of Northern Virginia, to Union General Ulysses S. Grant at Appotmatox courthouse in Virginia. Also, Joseph E. Johnston surrendered in North Carolina on April 26, and General Richard Taylor in Alabama, on May 4, and finally, General E. Kirby Smith on May 26. The Union had won.

  On July 30, 1865, Alec returned home, looking very thin and pale. The things he had experienced and witnessed would be with him for the rest of his life, but he was very thankful he had survived, for he knew he had to help Miranda. She had begun to talk, but she still showed no emotion whatsoever.

  It had been two weeks now, since he had returned home, and he hadn’t gone to see her yet, because he hadn’t wanted her to see him until he had gained a little weight, and some color to his face. He had been so run down, but the day came when he could wait no longer. He dressed, then deciding a walk would do him good, and also give him time to think as to what to say, he informed his mother to where he was going, and nervously left.

  His thoughts had kept him so occupied, that he was there before he even realized it. Cautiously making his way to the door, he paused a moment, then knocked. As he heard someone approaching, his heart began to pound.

  Mary Porter opened it, and gasped, as she saw him. She quickly took him in her arms and proclaimed, “Oh, Alec, I’m so glad to see you! I’m so glad you came back safe. Have you heard from Ben?”

  “No, we haven’t, but we heard that everyone hasn’t returned home yet. I know he’ll be back soon.”

  Mary just smiled, as Alec asked, “Is Miranda home? I’d really like to see how she’s doing. I’m so sorry about Steven.”

  Nodding her head in response, she remarked, “Thank you. I can only hope that eventually everything will get better.”

  “It will, one day.” He encouraged. “Time will heal.”

  Looking hopeful, Mary declared, “I sure hope so. Well, Miranda’s upstairs. You’re welcome to go up and talk to her. Maybe seeing you will do her some good.”

  As he ascended the stairs, he tried to think of what he would say. Suddenly, he was at her door. Hand shaking, he reached out and tapped lightly. When no-one answered, he spoke, “Miranda,” and opened the door slightly, “it’s me, Alec. May I come in?”

  As he opened it more, there she sat, in a chair by her window. She turned, as he entered, and just stared as if she didn’t even recognize him. He walked over to her and knelt before her and took her small hand in his. “Miranda, don’t you know who I am?”

  Looking blankly at him, she answered, “Sure I do, Alec. I haven’t seen you for a while. Where have you been?”

  “Why, don’t you remember, Miranda?” He asked worriedly. “I’ve been at war, and just returned home a few days ago.”

  She just sat there for a while staring at him, as if in thought. Finally, she replied, “Oh, I’m so glad. I’ve been sitting here watching for Steven. He should be returning any day now.”

  Alec didn’t know what to say or do. He didn’t expect to find her in this condition. He had to be careful of what he said. Cautiously, he continued, “Miranda, I’ve missed you. It’s been such a long time.” He paused for a moment before adding, “I’m awfully sorry about Steven. Although we had our disagreements, it’s hard losing a good friend. I’ll miss him.”

  Miranda cut in, “No, you have it all wrong, Alec. Steven’s not dead. People just think that. I know, because I’ve heard his voice. He told me not to give up on him. He’ll be returning one day, you’ll see.”

  Stunned, Alec replied with sadness in his voice, “Oh, Miranda.” She was worse than he had thought. He had to find a way to get her to see the truth. He knew she would hurt for a while, but in time she would learn to accept it.

  “Listen, Miranda,” he tried to make her see reason. “I don’t mean to hurt you, but you’re not facing reality. You have to realize, that Steven is dead and he’s not coming back. You have to face it before you can learn to accept it.”

  She responded rather calmly. “No, I don’t have to accept the fact that Steven is dead, because he isn’t. I don’t expect you to believe me. You all probably think I’m crazy, but you will see. He’ll be back. I know he will. Now please, let’s quit talking about this. I want to hear about you. How have you been? Has Ben come home yet?”

  Alec didn’t really want to change the subject, but maybe this wasn’t the best time to continue with it, so he answered, “I’ve been doing pretty well since I’ve been home. I’ve put on a little weight. I was rather thin when I got back. We haven’t heard from Ben for a while, but I know he’ll be returning any day now.”

  “I’m so glad.” Miranda declared, smiling. “Cassie sure has missed him. She’s turned into quite the young lady. He won’t recognize her. She’s eighteen years old now. It’s so hard to believe, and she’s been faithful in her promise to Ben, that she would wait for him. As many young men have tried to get Cassie’s attention, but she would have none of it. I think Ben will be a very lucky man.”

  “I have no doubt of it.” He agreed. “If she’s even half as lovely as her sister, I envy him myself.”

  Miranda blushed. “Oh Alec, you shouldn’t say such things. By the way, have you met any ladies who have struck your fancy?”

  “No, I can’t say that I have.” He shook his head, looking hurt. “Once you’ve found the best, all the rest just doesn’t seem to measure up.”

  Miranda knew he was talking about her, but she tried not to show it, so she continued. “What about Emily? Have you seen her since you’ve been back?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I have. She asked me to write to her while I was away, and we’ve been writing back and forth ever since. We’ve seen each other off and on ever since I returned.”

  Miranda’s face lit up as she exclaimed excitedly, “Oh Alec, that’s wonderful! Does this mean what I think it means?”

  “Now wait a minute, Miranda!” He exclaimed. “I only think of Emily as a friend, nothing else.”

  She realized she had hurt him, but she had so been hoping that he would have fallen for Emily and forgotten about her, but she could now see that he hadn’t. She didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry, Alec,” she apologized. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just hoping for your happiness, that’s all.”

  He nodded and looked lovingly into her eyes. “I know that Miranda, but just as you know who you love, I know who I love. It’s just not that easy to stop loving someone.”

  “I know,” she agreed.

  Neither spoke for a while. Finally Alec said, “Well, I’d better be leaving. Pa’s expecting me to help with the chores.”

  She arose from her chair and walked him to the door.

  As they reached it, he turned and looked into her dark eyes. Sadness radiated from them, as he pulled her to him, hugging her close. He ran one hand over her upswept hair, and softly spoke as he pulled away and looked at her once more, “If there’s anything you need, just let me know, alright?”

  She smiled, and answered, “I will,” then watched him as he turned and walked away.

  Chapter VI

  One week later, Ben returned home, quite bedraggled, and very much excited to see Cassandra. It had been over four years since he had last seen her, and Cassie was a woman now. He wondered what she lo
oked like. Would she still want and love him, like she used to? It had been so long. It had been two days since he had returned, and he still hadn’t visited her, for he had been far too nervous, but the time had come and he couldn’t wait any longer. So, nervously, he changed into a clean shirt and went downstairs.

  His mother was just coming out of the kitchen, and when she saw him, she questioned, “Why Ben, why are you all dressed up?” Then she smiled. “You don’t have to answer that. I can already guess. You’re finally going over to see Cassandra, right?”

  Ben looked at his mother, and returning her smile, said, “Mothers do know everything, don’t they? I tell you, Ma, if I had to wait any longer, I think I would have a nervous breakdown.”

  Louise laughed at her son and replied, “I was beginning to think we were going to have to drag you over there ourselves.” She then comforted him by adding, “It’ll be alright, dear. Cassie’s probably just as nervous as you, and no doubt wondering if you’ve given up on the idea of the two of you getting together.”